I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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