Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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