Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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