operation have a gay friend backfired
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
