I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
