I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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