Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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