did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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