the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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