he told me I talked like a deaf person
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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