I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
