If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize