I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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