I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
