You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
