please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize