Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
