Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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