Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
