so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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