Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
