and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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