Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
