didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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