Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
