My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
