I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
