Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize