dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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