Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
