My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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