Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she told me i tasted like america
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
