Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
