so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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