I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I want a musical about memes.
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