Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
