My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
