Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
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