my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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