There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
