I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
