Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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