WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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