I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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