I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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