Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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