Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
