Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
