I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
