I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Vodka?
Forever.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
