Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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