He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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