you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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