Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
