I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize