She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
