I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
