i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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