Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
