no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
