He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
