That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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