dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
