her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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