I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
