wat bout pragnant strippers??
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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