Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
