I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
