I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
