I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
