your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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