We're facebook friends in real life
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize