CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
