and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
