Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
