forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Girls should come with a carfax report
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
